Laugh of the Week: Boyle's Law and Hell

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. The answer by this student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safelyassume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's lookat the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.


This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.


So which is it?


If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... ....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being; which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+


Until Next Time.................

Hell Freezes Over, May 17, 2006

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THIS DAY.......but it finally arrived. For those of you who have been reading my blog since I started in December, you've probably figured out that I'm a pretty conservative guy. In reality, I'm more common sense than anything else. But if you have to put a label on it, then conservative would be it. There is one group though that I have never agreed with, have never liked, and have absolutely no use for. That group is the extreme left wing, whack job, anti-social, anti-everything environmentalist....or as I like to call them eco-terrorist. If you had told me ten years or even 10 days ago that there would be a topic where I would be in agreement with those left wing freaks, I most likely would have responded with something along the lines of "When Hell Freezes Over." (also by the way, the name of a great Eagles album and concert tour...but I digress) Well, here's the news flash.......HELL JUST FROZE OVER!!!!

Yesterday, while I was eating lunch, I saw a story on the Fox News Channel where one of those left wing, whack job, environmental spokesholes was talking about how illegal immigration was bad for America, the environment, AND for Mexico. Needless to say I almost choked on my roast beef and swiss on wheat. (Kat says I need to eat healthier...so I switched to wheat. lol) He then demanded that the president and congress stop their bickering on the issue and come up with a real solution to the problem and even took a swipe at the Sierra Club for not taking a stand the issue (I always suspected some of those evironmental nut cases had canabalistic tendencies. Now the secret is out).

Now, don't get me wrong. I haven't gone around the bend or anything like that. However, after the shock wore off, I found myself pleasantly suprised at the stand this fellow had taken on illegal immigration. While I don't necessarily agree with the reasoning behind his stand, it became obvious to me yesterday that part (if only a small part) of the environmental community gets it when it comes to illegal immigration. If this guy and his group can manage to comprehend what's at stake and that illegal immigration is bad for America, then why can't the pro illegal people understand. You have highly educated, very powerful people in the Catholic Church, the ACLU, the business community, and sad to say the United States Government that just don't get it. Chances are they will never get it unless we keep putting it out there for discussion and keep telling our elected officials that if they don't do the job we sent them there to do, we'll replace them the first opportunity we get.

If they ever do get it.......just be careful and keep your eyes on the skies. I 've been told that getting hit in the head by "flying pigs" can be painful.

(originally posted 5-17-06 on Yahoo 360)