Saturday, August 9, 2008

Is the Shine Fading From Google?, September 12, 2006


In the beginning you never saw stuff like this from Google. But it's happening these days with more regularity. I wonder what those stockholders who spent around 400 dollars a share during the IPO (initial public offering) think about the computer nerd sarcasm.

Then there's this one.......I think Katrina survivors might debate this one with Google.

Check out the text inside the red circle in the upper right hand of the pic below.

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What About the Positives? September 11, 2006


THE WORLD WE LIVE IN MAKES NO concessions to common sense, is oblivious to morals, and blind to justice. Without any forewarning our lives were turned upside down. In the blink of an eye and the beat of a heart, priorities changed, loyalties divided, and the insignificant became more important than ever before. Now, two once random and meaningless numbers are forever linked together in a way that will never be forgotten.

This 9-11 we spend time in deep reflection. Remembering those we lost and honoring those who gave their all.......all in the blink of an eye and beat of a heart. While we mourn and honor those lost, it's also important to keep in mind that, despite all the negativity of the liberal left and the give peace a chance crowd, there have been several positives that have occured since that horrible day.

During the days that immediately followed 9-11-01, we found that, as diverse a country of individuals as we are here in America, we still possess the ability to come together as one when our backs are against the wall. It may not have lasted as long as many of us would've liked. But at least we know that we're still capable of being united against a common enemy.

In the five years following the attacks of 9-11........there haven't been any more attacks on American soil. Not One! Many previously unknown terrorist cells have been broken up all over the country. There was one out here in California, just a couple of hours from my home. Trust me when I tell you, I feel much safer now that people at the state and national levels are once again paying attention to whats going on.

Al Qaeda's power and influence have been greatly diminished over the past five years as well. They have much poorer communications capabilities today than before. Those capabilities are being diminished more and more everyday. Their financial network is almost non-existant compared to six or seven years ago.

Since many of our traditional allies don't seem to have the stomach for an extended war on terror, the United States has teamed up with many countries that we previously had minimal or no connection to. Countries like Poland, The Czech Republic, Romania, New Zealand, Estonia, Mongolia, Netherlands, Finland, Hungary, Sweden, and Kazakhstan are just a few of America's allies in this war on terror. They may not be major military or political powerhouses, but collectively, these and all the rest of the coalition partners are making great strides against those who wish ill upon freedom loving people around the world.

And finally, the longstanding reputation of the American Military has been restored after enduring 8 years of neglect, misuse, and disdain during the Clinton Administration. And even with some of the restraints placed upon them during execution of the current War or Terror, our Armed Forces are once again viewed by most of the world as the premeire fighting force today. Even those who fight against us have begrudingly acknowledged that we are much stronger and more willing to fight than they expected based on previous experience over the ten years preceding the 9-11 attacks. Gone are the days of looking weak after leaving unfinished business in places like Beruit, multiple locations in Africa, Iraq, Kuwait, Iran, and Yemen.

These are all positives that many people across the country can't or won't acknowledge. Once the tributes pass on this five year anniversary of the 9-11 attacks, the debates will continue. And when it seems like all your hear are the negative diatribes coming from Martiniville, just remember.....there are many positive things happening in this War on Terror.....even if the media or the liberal politicians don't want to talk about it!

originally posted 9/11/06 on Yahoo 360


Picture of the Week! September 05, 2006


TOO GOOD NOT TO SHARE!!!!!

Originally posted 9/5/06 on Yahoo360

Weekend Funnies, September 03, 2006


Dr Phil's Pathway to Inner Peace
Dr. Phil proclaims, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started and never finished." So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Jim Beam, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Absolute, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates..................You have no idea how good I feel right now.
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Assembly line Medicine
Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, Shingles.So she wrote down his name, address, Medical insurance policy number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, shingles. So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, shingles. So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, shingles.The doctor asked, "Where"? Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want them?"
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Illegal Immigration Humor

The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
309 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Sarbanes,

As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Immigration and Naturalization Service in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you. My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S. citizen to Illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, what I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.

I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before every one figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of the last five years taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.

Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This Would yield an excellent return for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005. I estimate a gross savings of approximately $72,000.After the fine this would yield me a net savings of $70,000. In addition, I would reap the other benefits of being an illegal alien such as free healthcare,avoidance of paying Social Security taxes, buying automobile insurance, serving on jury panels, etc. If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the
necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your loyal constituent,

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More Dr Phil Humor....(warning: This one is a little blue at the end)

DR. PHIL WAS CONDUCTING A GROUP THERAPY SESSION WITH FOUR YOUNG MOTHERS AND THEIR SMALL CHILDREN.

"YOU ALL HAVE OBSESSIONS," HE OBSERVED.

TO THE FIRST MOTHER, HE SAID, "YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH EATING... YOU'VE EVEN NAMED YOUR DAUGHTER CANDY."

HE TURNED TO THE SECOND MOM. "YOUR OBSESSION IS WITH MONEY... AGAIN, IT MANIFESTS ITSELF IN YOUR CHILD'S NAME, PENNY."

HE TURNS TO THE THIRD MOM. "YOUR OBSESSION IS ALCOHOL. THIS, TOO, MANIFESTS ITSELF IN YOUR CHILD'S NAME, BRANDY."

AT THIS POINT, THE FOURTH MOTHER GETS UP TAKES HER LITTLE BOY BY THE HAND AND WHISP ERS, "COME ON DICK, WE'RE LEAVING.

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And then there's this..........

Dear Tide:

tide.jpg I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a supspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product. Well, gotta go, I have to write the Hefty bag people.

hefty.jpg

Thank you so very much,

Margie

Orignally posted 9/3/06 on Yahoo 360

Football Time In Tennessee! , September 02, 2006


It's that time of year again!!!! Football Time In Tennessee!!! Erik Ainge and the rest of the 23rd ranked Volunteer squad take the field against the #9 Cal Bears. We've got David Cutcliffe, our offensive coorindator from the Vols National Championship team, back on the coaching staff again. Now we're ready to charge back to the top of the SEC and hopefully even further. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN....YOUR FUTURE SEC CHAMPIONSHIP TENNESSEE VOLUTNEERS!!!

Sorry Sassy and G-Diddy, but this is BIG ORANGE COUNTRY!~

Everybody have a great weekend and I hope your team wins.....unless your cheerin' for the Cal Bears!!!

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UPDATE......................................................

FINAL SCORE: #23 TENNESSEE 35 #9 CALIFORNIA 18

UP NEXT: THE AIR FORCE ACADEMY SAT. SEPT. 9TH


Originally posted 8/2/06 on Yahoo 360

Saturday, July 19, 2008

The Power of a Child, August 30, 2006


THE POWER OF A CHILD IS AN AMAZING thing when you stop and think about it for a moment. Today, on my way to work, I witnessed that power first hand as three simple words from a four year old little boy drew two people from two entirely different era's and walks of life together long enough for them to realize that they had more in common than either realized.

It all started just a few minutes after I started my daily 20 mile commute to work this morning. Like every other morning, the mass transit bus I was on rolled up to one of it's many stops and among the passengers that boarded was an elderly woman in an old beat up wheel chair. I'm not sure why she was in the wheel chair, but the look of her face, arms, and hands told the story of a less than priviliged life. Despite her obvious handicap and her worn appearance, her pleasant demeanor was met with the typical smiles and nods of acknowledgement.

A few minutes and a couple of stops later, a young 20-something, blonde haired, blue eyed woman boarded the bus with a toddler. Both were impecably dressed, well manicured, obviously accustomed to living a more comfortable lifestyle than many of the passengers on the bus on this morning. The two took a seat directly across the aisle from the woman in the wheel chair. The little boy looked around the bus surveying his surroundings until his gaze fell on the old woman in the wheel chair. For a moment, he looked confused then he smiled at the woman in the wheel chair and said those three magic words......."Who Are You?"

Those three magic words from a wide eyed child started a conversation between two women from entirely different worlds. It was a conversation that lasted the 35 minutes that I remained on the bus and probably well after. Under any other circumstances these two women most likely would have never given each a second look. But on this day, two vastly different people found out that they actually had more in common than either of them could have possibly imagined.

It was a chance encounter that could have taken place on any bus, in city, anywhere in the world. But today, it happened in my world and I had the privilige of witnessing the formation of a new friendship and it happened all because of three simple words and the innocent, non-judgemental power of a child.

Gotta Love Them Libs!, August 29, 2006


Night before last I wrote a blog about upcoming 9/11 programming on CNN Pipeline. I fully expected to get a few responses, some saying they would watch and others saying….nope! Still a too emotional topic. Maybe some would agree or disagree with CNN’s decision. I figured that would be it and we would move on to the next topic. As some of you may have discovered, that’s not exactly what happened. If you missed it check out yesterday’s “History Lesson From An Unlikely Source.”

I have always subscribed to the philosophy that reasonable people can reasonably disagree. As long as they aren’t overly aggressive, abusive, or obscene, I will deny no one access to my page or my writings. Based on that philosophy, my friends list include several people that could only be described at being polar opposites of myself. One of those people is a fellow that online goes by the name Juggalo Rassam. Parts of his comment on my blog from night before last was just so far out there, I decided to use it as fodder for tonight’s entry. At first I was going to ignore it and move on, but then I thought an attempt at a dialogue with a left winger whose favorite politician is Howard Dean could be entertaining. After learning that little tidbit, I don’t feel so bad about admitting that I own Barry Manilow’s Greatest Hits 2 Disc Set. LOL At least now I know I’m not the saddest person on the planet! And “Juggalo,” if you’re actually reading this and getting pissed….GET A SENSE OF HUMOR!!!! I’m only playing with you man!

This rebuttal could get somewhat lengthy, so before we start…..go take a bathroom break, grab a cold one from the fridge, or top off the coffee mug! Here we go!!!!!!

1. I am so tired of conservatives WHINING about the "liberal media" - actually the media is Conservative!

Two things here…..first I will remind you that you are the one who initiated contact with me via an invitation to join your page, parts of which I do enjoy from time to time. However, if you don’t like or can’t handle conservative chatter…or “whining” as you call it, feel free to use the delete button at your earliest convenience. You won’t be hurting any feelings here. Secondly, when it comes to the media there’s plenty of BOTH to go around. Liberals dominate television with the lone exception of FOX News. Radio is the conservative domain except for the Air America Network (more on this one later) and a handful of stations scattered across the country. For the record…I never used the phrase “liberal media.” What I said was that I was not a fan of CNN. While it’s true that part of that reason is political, a larger part is more with the current management/ownership. Their treatment of Ted Turner after he sold his broadcasting empire to TIME/WARNER was an abomination. He deserved much better than he got. The programming and personnel decisions (ex: Greta VanSustren and Aaron Brown) at CNN have not been much better either. That’s why I am not a fan of CNN. That’s also why the FOX News Channel has won almost every primetime daypart for over five years now.

2. Let's see so Liberal CNN gave non-stop coverage of the Monica Lewinsky scandal to help Clinton? Yet, all the many Bush lies just get a one day 2 minute clip & then are quickly forgotten. ANY TIME Bill Clinton got caught in some rumor they covered it & covered it. But, Bush just gets away with stuff. Perfect example was when Kerry did one thing PERFECT in the debate -> He called Bush on his B.S. he told quoted Bush saying "Bin Laden dead or alive" & then a few months later Bush said "he doesn't think much about bin laden"...Bush responded with a smirk "I don't remember saying that, guess that's another exaggeration". Yet, right after the debate they played a video tape of bush & Kerry quoted bush 100% correctly. Also bush made fun of Kerry logging company comment bush said "wanna buy some wood" - again Bush lied/or didn't know what he was talking about & Kerry was right.

CNN gave the coverage to the Lewinsky Scandal because they didn’t have a choice. In the real world we call it competiton. But in the course of covering it they continually played it down as no big deal and tried to make excuses for his behavior. They never asked the tough questions of Clinton when they had the opportunity and were more than willing to accept “I did not have sex with that woman” as the official line. For their part, FOX never asked the tough questions either, opting for the quick two-minute sound bites from the opposition. The only person that actually had the courage to ask those tough questions was the late Peter Jennings of ABC. However, that didn’t come until after the scandal had become a non-story. As for the lies….if Clinton has just told the truth to begin with, the whole episode and the accompanying side show most likely would’ve disappeared more quickly. Personally, my big picture view is that if the man was willing to lie to the world about something relatively trivial like getting a bj from a fat intern, then what other immensely more important things was he lying to us about. It’s all about a little thing called credibility and trust. If your words hold no truth or honor then you are worthless as a human being. And when it comes to the alleged Bush lies……I believe he should be held to that same standard. But as of yet, I haven’t seen or heard any hard proof that he has intentionally lied about anything. A single video with audio taken totally out of context doesn’t constitute a lie. All that proves is that the libs are great at video editing too! Empty words from Howard Dean, John Kerry, Al “the man who was almost president” Gore, Al Franken, or Michael Moore don’t count either! Sorry!!!

3. If you want to see REAL BIAS - watch Fox News! CNN reports the truth - they are not biased! I think anytime a conservative hears a reporter say something that is not the opinion of Rush Limbaugh they assume they must be a liberal! LOL

FOX News biased? Of course they are! AND SO IS CNN!!! Business 101: Find your target demographic and serve it! For FNC, It’s the 25 to 54 year old conservatives. For CNN it’s the 34 to 65 year old liberals. Each networks primary programming is designed to serve their key demo. The trick for each network is to find on air commentators that can provided intelligent informed balance to that primary content. FOX News has one of the best liberal political commentators on TV today in the person of Alan Colmes. Bright, intelligent, and articulate, Colmes is a master at asking tough questions and getting the opposing viewpoint out there! They have other liberal commentators too from the Washington Post and National Public Radio that are excellent at their craft. CNN on the other hand…..well they had Aaron Brown and they pissed that away. Other than that the best they could do was Robert Novak and Tucker Carlson….both the worst examples of tv journalism you could possibly find. Carlson was nothing more than a bothersome little nerd that you just want to kick in the kneecaps and scream “DON’T BE ON MY SIDE!” Then there’s the infamous Novak temper tantrum when the heat got a little to warm for him. FOX made a huge mistake in bringing him onboard. Now they(CNN) don’t even try to have any balance or objectivity. Many times they don’t have a clue what’s going on... even when they’re looking right at it. Example: During Katrina coverage, Wolf Blitzer droned on for over 15 minutes about some poor people in orange jumpsuits trapped on a freeway overpass that needed help. Long story short….Wolfie’s “poor people in orange jumpsuits” turned out to be prison inmates being guarded by police officers awaiting evacuation to another facility. Wolf couldn’t be bothered with the “truth” though. His version made for “better tv” until someone in the control room finally shut him up. The only on air talent they have that has any real talent is Lou Dobbs. Sooner or later management will find a way to run him off too.

4. To educate yourself read Al Franken's book on Rush "Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot", & his book "Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right".

Limbaugh and Franken are both idiots! All Limbaugh does is regurgitate party talking points day after day relentlessly. He becomes rather tiresome after a while. Franken should’ve stuck to what he’s good at……Saturday Night Live. His skits and his writing on SNL were phenomenal, however as a political commentator, he sucks. Wait, you have to do political commentary to be a political commentator, so let me rephrase that. As talk show host, Franken is an abomination . In the beginning, The Air America Network signed on with The Al Franken Show as its marquee show. For the first three months (basically one ratings period), their numbers were great. Part of it was due to the fact that liberals finally had an alternative when it came to political talk radio. Part of it was also what I call the “Franken Fun Factor.” I mean come on….anyone with a sense of humor couldn’t help but find Franken funny where comedy was concerned. But the constant whining about and bashing of Rush Limbaugh got a bit tiresome after a while. It didn’t long for a huge majority of the networks listeners to figure this out. Even many of the most ardent Rush haters stopped listening because of the incessant whining and hateful diatribes. It got so bad at one point, the networks ownership was on the verge of filing bankruptcy until the shareholders stepped in, fired the inexperienced management, brought in “real radio people” to right the ship and get things back under control and on the right track. Today, Franken’s show and the network in general still gets trounced regularly in the ratings. Even in San Francisco, America’s most liberal city, the best Al Franken and Air America could manage was a 28th place finish. But at least it's easier to tolerate now and they’re actually on the verge of turning a profit.

5. I just hope everyone knows by now that SADDAM did NOT do 9/11 - BIN LADEN did it! NONE of the terrorists were IRAQI! Most were Saudi!

Maybe I missed it, but I have never heard anyone ever say that Hussein did 9/11. Stop trying use that as a talking point. Stick to the war for oil mantra. You’ll convince more people with that one.

6. You know no one has to PAY for police insurance or military defense insurance - why health? I'm more likely to get sick then attacked!

I’m shaking my head in utter amazement on this one. Take a deep breath and read this next line very slowly…..YOU DO PAY FOR POLICE AND MILITARY DEFENSE INSURANCE. IT’S CALLED TAXES!!!!!! You know what taxes are don’t you? It’s the part of OUR paychecks that the Clintons, Kerrys, Kennedys, and Deans of the world are constantly trying to increase the size of because they think that money belongs to them instead of the people who earned it! Socialized medicine will never work either. It has failed or is currently failing miserably everywhere is has been or is being tried. Why do you think so many Canadians are coming across the border and paying for American health care out of their own pockets instead of getting it for free at home?

7. Keep this in mind when you speak of "people who hate western society and America" - too many of those don't just hate us because of our Constituion, morals, traditions, religions, or freedoms. Many hate America because of the HORRIBLE things our govt. has done throughout history.

Since the death of the Prophet Muhammed, muslim extremist have been waging war against “the infidels.” History is littered with the aftermath of each and every one of these battles, some of which they won, some they didn’t. Their mission since that time has been to convert or destroy the infidels. Anything that the United States might or might not have done is NOT the reason for their hatred of us, just a means of justifying their actions to the parts of humanity that still aren’t bright enough to understand or refuses to believe whats really going on!

Finally…..1. Ethnic cleansing of native Americans
2.Massive war crimes in Vietnam war
3.Embargo of Cuba but not China or Saudi Arabia
4.Removal of the freely elected democratic government of Chile by the CIA
5.Support for Iraqi war crimes and weapons of mass destruction

With the exception of your Cuba statement, the rest of this is total b.s. excuses used by 60’s burnouts who long for the days when it was cheaper to run to Canada than it was to get a real job or, god forbid, actually stand up be a man and help defend this great nation. That pretty much covers #2 & #4. As for #1.….. My families blood lines run deep in the Cherokee Nation. During my lifetime I’ve probably forgotten more about Native American history than you’ll ever know, so don’t you dare pretend to lecture me on Native American History. I guarantee you….you’ll lose! #3…I had to wade through almost your entire post before I found something that we were in total agreement on…...Although I suspect for different reasons. And finally #5 War Crimes….No one in this nation supports war crimes. NOBODY. We currently have troops imprisoned in Southern California, Kentucky, and in Baghdad on charges related to alledged war crimes committed in Iraq. Some of them even face the death penalty if found guilty. If they are guilty they will be punished just as they should be. But make no mistake, let me be very very clear about this…UNTIL SUCH TIME THAT THEY ARE FOUND GUILTY, THESE TROOPS AND THEIR FAMILIES HAVE MY TOTAL, UNFETTERED, UNCONDITIONAL SUPPORT. That is the very least we can do for the men and women who serve around the world in harms way doing the deed so that the rest of us, including you Juggalo, can sleep safely and soundly every night.

And for the grande finale….weapons of mass destruction. WMD’s did exist in Iraq. The UN inspectors couldn’t find them because they were incompetent boobs. They went about their work in Iraq in total oblivion to what was going on around them. Hussein used chemical weapons against his own people (the Kurds). He also used them against the Iranians. It turned sure defeat into a stalemate, otherwise the Iranians would be calling the shots from Baghdad today. He would have used them on the Kuwaiti’s too if we hadn’t intervened after his invasion of Kuwait. Ah yes, the first Gulf War……I was there and saw a lot of it firsthand….and here’s the bottom line my friend. When you sit across the table from an Iraqi exile who can’t even shed tears for his dead family as he describes their deaths because his face is horribly disfigured as a result of a chemical attack……then maybe I’ll listen to YOUR WHINING about weapons of mass destruction. Until then your diatribes fall on deaf ears. Good night and pleasant dreams Juggalo.

(originally posted 8/29/06 on Yahoo 360)

History Lesson From An Unlikely Source, August 27, 2006


With the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on America just around the corner, the folks at CNN in Atlanta have announced that,as part of their 9/11 anniversary coverage, they intend to rebroadcast their actual on-air coverage from that fateful morning to the exact minute five years later on 9/11/2006. This airing is scheduled to take place on their online platform called "CNN Pipeline."

Normally, I am not a fan of CNN for several different reasons....not the least of which is their blatently one sided presentation of material on a wide range of subjects and even more blatent attempts at times to rewrite history so it better serves their underlying liberal agenda.

But this time, I believe that replaying the actual video of planes flying into the World Trade Center Towers, the subsuquent attack in Washington and the coverage from the farm in Pennsylvannia where United Flight 93 went down will be powerful enough by itself that any accompanying CNN "present day" commentary will be barely noticed.

Another reason that I feel that this an excellent move by CNN (I can hardly believe I just said that) is that in the five years following the attacks, much has been said and written about those attacks. Much of what happened on that day has politicized and seemingly commercialized with numerous documentaries, movies, and primetime tv dramas that have chosen to include the events of 9/11 as part of their storylines.

The re-airing of these events, on the anniversary in real time, will no doubt be painful for many. At the same time though, it will re-enforce the fact that 9/11 was a real event. A real attack on America that affected real people in real ways that so many of us have never experienced. It, I believe, will remind those who watch that the underlying issues still exist and the people who hate western society and America in particular are still out there. Hopefully, it will remind Americans with any common sense whatsoever that terrorism and terrorist are not problems to be treated as politicalweapons but as a human problems that need to be dealt with in an honest, straightforward, bipartisan manner. Because in the end the events of 9/11 and any future similar events effects everyone.....not just liberals or conservatives. Hopefully, Americans will pay attention to this history lesson from an unlikely source.

(originally posted 8/26/06 on Yahoo 360)

Weekend Funnies!, August 26, 2006


Well the hectic past couple of weeks has turned into a busy weekend! So today I am mixing chores with some writing. In the meantime, here are some "funnies" to pass the time for those of you lucky enough to have already finished your chores!~LOL

GOD'S HELPER

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 10 minutes." The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting." It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?" The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. So, He sent me."

COMFORTABLE

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. To keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so they can breed their own stock. They have only $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette has only $1 left. She realizes that she'll be able to send her sister just one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'"The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable'?" The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly: "Com-for-da-bull'!"


AND NOW A FEW FOR THE LADIES!!!

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws!!!

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and replied......"What?"

CREATION

A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. "God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

MAKE THE COFFEE ALREADY!

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." The wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Biblethat the man should do the coffee." The husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

(originally posted 8/26/06 on Yahoo 360)

They Must Be Happy, August 24, 2006


AFTER TAKING A BREAK FROM WATCHING THE NEWS FOR a week or so, I began watching again about the middle of last week. Since then I have come to a disppointing realization......The Islamo-facist around the world must be pretty darned happy today.

Hezbollah finally has their so called cease-fire for lasting peace. This little "timeout" reminds me a lot of two preteen brothers who had to be seperated by their parents, enforcing an artificial peace that you knew would last only until the parents turned their backs and one of the brothers lost focus. The only difference here is that we are talking about two groups of people who have been fighting longer than any of us have been alive. And the stakes are much higher than those of the most vocal sibling fueds.

Hezbollah (and by proxy...Iran and Syria) is sure to be overjoyed at the prospect of having as much time as they need to bring in more fighters and resupply their forces in Lebanon. Last week, a plane from Iran bound for Syria was escorted out of Turkish airspace by the Turkish Air Force because it was suspected of carrying weapons eventually bound for Lebanon. This sort of activity is the only thing that this farce of a cease-fire will accomplish. In a few months, maybe a year or two if we're lucky, we'll be right back where we were a month and a half ago...one major fact that seems to be lost on most of the leaders from around the world.

Another reason the Islamo-facist are happy today is that, as we approach the anniversary of 9/11, it would appear that the United States still hasn't learned the most important lessons that were thrust upon us that fall day 5 years ago. You can't bargin or negotiate with or try to appease those who wish to assimilate or destroy western society. We tried that in the "earlier" Bush years and again later through two Clinton administrations. We all know how far that got us. But yet here we are listening to Condaleeza Rice talking about trying to negotiate a "lasting peace" in the Middle East. HAVE WE NOT LEARNED ANYTHING FROM HISTORY??? Sometimes I wonder.

Storm clouds continue to gather over the Middle East region. Since the end of hostilities in the first Gulf War, the terrorists and their sponsor nations have learned that they no longer have to fear the United States, Israel, or Great Britian. In this particular case, the only way those storm clouds will dissperse is to let Israel do what Israel is more than capable of doing. Eliminate the threat. You don't try to reason or negotiate with a pack of rabid dogs that attack your child as he or she walks home from school. You eliminate the threat. That is exactly what you do and it's exactly what Israel should be allowed to do now. If that includes carpet bombing Teheran and Damascus....then so be it. Eliminate the threat.....whatever it takes.

And if all that weren't enough, the Islamo Facist could potentially hit the mother lode here in the United States by taking advantage of our illegal immigration problems. Problems that only a small number of politicians want to seriously address. Our open borders are nothing more than welcome mats for terrorists who can easily blend in with the huge numbers of illegal Mexican immigrants that pour accross our southern border every day. Once here they get assistance from groups like the ACLU, LaRaza, The Catholic Church, and politicians of the Democratic and Republican parties who don't have the courage or the guts to do what it takes to truly secure our borders. When you throw in morons like Cindy Sheehan and Michael Moore, who spend all their time whipping up an anti Amercan frenzy, it isn't hard to understand why the Islamo Facist no longer fear us. They are just so giddy, that they can barely contain themselves.

There may be a cease fire in the Middle East right now, but storm clouds are continuing to gather. Now is the time for us to stand up and tell our elected leaders that we, as a society, are tired of playing games with these people. Fight the fight the way it should be fought. Let Israel defend herself the way she is capable of defending herself.

Let our men and women fight the fight the way only the U.S. Armed Forces can, eliminate the threat by doing whatever it takes, and wipe those smirks of the faces of Islamo Facist and terrorists around the world. We'll see how happy they are then.

(originally posted 7/24/06 on Yahoo 360)