Powerball Humor

This makes total sense to us and, it's pretty darned funny too!

 

Til Next Time...........................

The Perfect Christmas Gift

I know it's only June but yesterday, during one of those rare weekdays off, I was thinking about Christmas gifts.  What would the the coolest things I could get (within my budget) for the coolest people in my life.  There are a few of them and while I by no means have figured it out yet, my trip to the Sacramento Zoo yesterday did provide some inspiration when it comes to the annoying ones on my list.  The lump of coal thing is way overdone (and over-rated) so I, being "that guy" think I have come up with the perfect gift for the most annoying person on anyone's gift list.   LOL  I think this will work just fine!

Oh yeah, this will go over real well and I probably won't have to worry about them being on the list next year.

 

 

Okay, so I'm PROBABLY not that big a jerk........but I guy can daydream can't he?

Til Next Time.....................

Just One Of Those Things

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.  At least that was what I was always taught growing up.  That said, I'm going to anyway.  And when you find yourself sing this song tomorrow at work......YOU'RE WELCOME!

Until Next Time...............

Celebrities and Media Dish on the Cold Weather!

A few funnies from the Twittersphere on the cold weather engulfing the eastern and southern portions of the United States. Enjoy!

How cold is it? Miley Cyrus's entire body stuck to wrecking ball.

— Pat Sajak (@patsajak) January 7, 2014

From a friend across the aisle. A good one, I'll admit it. pic.twitter.com/KNLMbZrRxS

— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) January 7, 2014

Polar Vortex drinking game: every time you see a TV reporter hold up a thermometer outdoors. (Can be played with Hot Chocolate too.)

— Mark Knoller (@markknoller) January 6, 2014

Traveled from Caribbean to East Coast today. Climate did change. That settles it; I'm a believer.

— Pat Sajak (@patsajak) January 2, 2014

Til Next Time.......Cheers

Laugh of the Week: Boyle's Law and Hell

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. The answer by this student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safelyassume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's lookat the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.


This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.


So which is it?


If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... ....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being; which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+


Until Next Time.................

Pic of the Day

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The irony here is sooooo thick!!!

Attention Bad Drivers!!!

If you have ever been forced to endure the antics of bad drivers, you know, the people who should have never been issued a license but still think they own the road, then you are going to love this!



Now I don't condone road rage, but you have to admit, that was pretty damned funny!

Til Next Time...........

Doing My Part To Support The Global Warming Crowd!

Sometimes it's just to funny to resist!

SuperBowl Ads Pt 2

Here's a some more Super Bowl ads that I will be voting for after the game. Especially the Doritos ad. One of the funniest of the game so far.









.....and the Saints just went up by 14!

Til next time!

Back in the Saddle!!

Well Well! After taking a break for a bit we're going to try and get back in the routine of regular writing. But where to start? There's so much going on out there, it's hard to pick my first target. So I think we'll ease back into it with a laugh.

As a matter of fact, I think we'll reserve Fridays for the mind blowing Moron of the Week! It'll be someone that does something so incredibly stupid, you can't help but laugh!

Take for example this guy, who obviously didn't know what NSFW means. As you watch the video, forget about the person being interviewed. What he is saying is irrelevant to this video. Just watch the guy behind the interviewee, just over 'his' right shoulder. And be sure to watch the computer screen he's looking at too. And above all else remember that this is live television.




Somebody please tell this guy what NSFW means!!! Quickly, before he loses his job!


UPDATE: Since this video hit you tube earlier in the week, the guy in front of the computer screen has become a viral video superstar. Most people caught in this situation would have been blasted out of the building so fast, they wouldn't have known what hit them. Not this guy though. Not only did this guy get to keep his job, but Miranda Kerr, the Victoria Secret model who was the subject of the email photos seen in the video, along with another financial news website came to his defense. Read about the aftermath here.

An "OctoMom" Halloween!

Okay....I know it's probably a little early to be starting this, but I have a feeling this is going to be the rage this Halloween. Last year It was Obama, this year OctoMom. The only this missing is the spandex and a huge "red" O on both of them!

til next time.................

Picture of the Week

For those of you who have been concerned about all the chem trail stories floating around (no pun intended) or worried about the conspiracy theories that the government secretly has something to do with them......maybe our "Picture of the Week" will set your mind at ease.......



........or maybe not.

Til Next Time.............

A Question At Christmas Time....

Do you know what this is?






Frosty The Snowman's
Baby Picture



LOL! Merry Christmas Everyone!

Dear Santa.....

Dear Santa,
I know it's probably a little late to be asking this question.....but......just how good would I have to be to get one of these?


I know I wasn't as nice as I could've been, especially to those pesky telemarketers, the politicians knocking at my door looking for a vote, and the neighbors upstairs who were always having parties at three in the morning. But I really tried. I really did! Just let me know what I need to do and I'll leave you a bunch of extra cookies and a cold one to wash'em down.

Thanks and Merry Christmas
Mark

Weekend Funnies

Idiot Dad!

A guy at the supermarket sees an attractive woman waving at him.
She says "Hello!"
He's rather taken aback because he can't remember where he knows her from.
So he says..."Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and he says, Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?
The attractive lady looks into his eyes and calmly replies............"No, I'm your sons teacher."


Mom's Not To Bright Either!

This is just wrong on so many levels!

Let's See If Junior Is Any Smarter......

The father was passing by his son's bedroom and was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope prominently propped up on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition he opened the envelope and with trembling hands began to read........

Dear Dad,
It is with great sorrow and regret that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend to avoid a scene with mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is real nice. But I knew that you would not approve because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad, she is pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a whole stack of firewood for the winter. We share the dream of having many more children. She has also opened my eyes to the fact the marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing for ourselves and trading it with people who live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime, we will pray for science to find a cure for aids so that Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I know I'm only 15, but I also know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back so you'll have a chance to get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son John

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than report cards. You'll find that in my center desk drawer.
Please call me when it's safe to come home.

I do believe round one goes to Junior!!!
Til next time..................

Terry Tate Strikes Again!

Remember back in 2003, Superbowl 37, when Reebok first introduced us to Terry Tate:Office Linbacker? It was one of the many commercials that gained a lot of attention that year for their originality, creativity, and humor. Then once the game was over and all the hub-bub surrounding that years crop of Superbowl ads had subsided, Terry Tate endured the same fate as all the other "stars" of the Superbowl Sunday marketing blitz. He faded to the dark recesses of our memories, late night trivial pursuit questions, and obscure website pages........until now.

Terry has re-emerged onto the scene this presidential election year with a campaign designed to get the apathetic to polls. In typical Tate style, he has picked a side (and his first victim) so I'm pretty sure he won't entice too many conservatives to the polls with his latest video. But I have to admit it is kinda funny and it definitely gets your attention. Check it out.....



WOW! I'm not entirely sure who did the production on this piece, but my hat's off to them. The production was seamless. I spent a half hour trying to find the edit points with no luck. Very well done. I guess you could say that this piece give a whole new meaning to "Rock the Vote!"

Til next time..................

Meaning of Globalization, September 08, 2007

This is from an email I received a few days ago. It's obvious by it's tone that it was meant to be an exercise in sarcasm. I started to delete it after a quick read, but hesitatated. After second more careful reading, I realized that on some levels....it rings of a sad and unfortunate truth. See what you think....................

QUESTION: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

ANSWER: Princess Diana's Death and You!

How you ask? Read on.

An ENGLISH Princess with an EGYPTIAN boyfriend crashes in a FRENCH tunnel, driving a GERMAN car with a DUTCH engine driven by a BELGIAN who was drunk on SCOTTISH whiskey and being followed closely by ITALIAN paparazzi on JAPANESE motorcycles. That BELGIAN driver would be treated by an AMERICAN doctor. Now, you are probably reading this on your computer that uses microchips from TAIWAN and monitors from KOREA. It was most likely assembled by BANGLADESHI workers in a plant in SINGAPORE, transported by INDIAN lory drivers, hijacked by INDONESIANS and unloaded by SICILIAN longshoremen....soon to be delivered to your local computer retailer by illegal MEXICAN truck drivers.

Yes, a definite exercise in biting sarcasm.....but very true on more than one level.

TIL NEXT TIME!

Originally posted 9-8-07 on Yahoo 360

Dear Dog, August 29, 2007

Dear Dog,

I'm sorry for you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp, which you didn't break, the fish tank you didn't knock over, the carpet you didn't wet, and the wall you didn't mess up with red paint.

But, on the other hand, things here at the house are much calmer now. And to show that I hold no hard feelings against you, I'm sending a picture so that you will always remember me!

Best regards,

THE CAT!!!

Which is your favorite? (closed poll)

Dogs 3

Cats 4

Originally posted 8-29-07 on Yahoo 360

Playing Hooky, November 29, 2006

Today, I decided I wasn't going to work. Some would call it playing hooky, but in reality, I'm just burning off the last of my excess vacation days before the new owners take over. Either way, the end result is the same.....a nice, quiet, relaxing day. Just the same as if I were playing hooky.

And speaking of playing hooky, I came across an article written by the folks at careerbuilder.com. The article said that 32 percent of workers have used bogus excuses in the last year. Senior career adviser Jennifer Sullivan said many people are using sick days as "mental health days" to catch up on sleep or simply relax.

One in 10 admitted to doing so three times or more in the last year. Not only are workers using bogus reasons for missing work, but the excuses are getting more creative as well. For those of you who actually told the teacher that your dog ate your homework, you can rest easy in knowing that there are a variety of "grownup versions" of that all time favorite excuse. Below is a list of some of the most unusal excuses given to supervisors by employees playing hooky......

1. Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.
2. A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.
3. Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.
4. Employee called from his cell phone, said he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and no one was around to let him out.
5. Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.
6. Employee's wife said he couldn't come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house.
7. One of the walls in the employee's home fell off the night before.
8. Employee's mother was in jail.
9. A skunk got into the employee's house and sprayed all of his uniforms.
10. Employee had bad hiccups.
11. Employee blew his nose so hard, his back went out.
12. Employee's horses got loose and were running down the highway.
13. Employee was hit by a bus while walking.
14. Employee's dog swallowed her bus pass.
15. Employee was sad.

Hmmm.......wonder if any of these will work tomorrow when the new owners take over.

Til next time...............

Originally posted 11-29-06 on Yahoo 360

Odds And Ends, November 21, 2006

As I write tonight, I am beginning the first of five days off over the long Thanksgiving weekend. Next week the new owners take over at the radio station and except for Christmas, I doubt I'll be getting much time off for a while. So you can bet I'll be enjoying this week off!!

I have a ton of stuff I could write about, but somehow.....this just seems like a night to keep things lite. So I have a few things I found in various places that seemed interesting and entertaining. Almost none of these made the mainstream newscasts. Seems that we were too interested in that piece of garbage named OJ Simpson....oh..wait, I wrote about that. Then there was the debut of the PS3.....nope, I did that one too. Oh well, you get the idea. Anyway here are some things that caught my eye that wasn't on the news........maybe you find them interesting too!

--------------------

In the South Pacific, an underwater volcano has given birth to a new island. The land mass, as of yet unamed and still steaming, is aproximately one mile in diameter and has four distinct peaks. The crew of the yacht "Maiken" are believed to be among the first to see this island as it formed. The "Maiken" was a day out of Tonga enroute to Fiji when the crew noticed the land mass rising from the water. Oh I smell a Discovery or National Geographic Channel special coming soon!!!

--------------------

A couple of weeks ago, it was announced that the Israeli military and General Dynamics have developed a new weapon in the fight against roadside bombs, land mines, and suicide bombers. The new weapon is called "Thor" and is a high energy laser weapon that allows the user to rapidly clear unexploded ordnance and defeat IEDs by inducing a low-order burn reaction in the explosive from a safe distance before they can kill or injure troops or unsuspecting civilians. Funny thing about this story though, I only heard it once on Paul Harvey's daily broadcast & nowhere else since. I was able to find this about Thor on the internet. The disappointing thing about this story is that I had to go to an Israeli newspaper to read about Thor. I guess our media was more interested in OJ and PS3 than they were in sharing some potentially great news for our troops involved in the war in Iraq and the War on Terror.

--------------------

And Forbes Magazine has come out with it's list of the world's richest fictional characters. "The winner.... Defense Contractor, Oliver"Daddy" Warbucks. Warbucks, a lieutenant general in the comic strip Little Orphan Annie, unseats Santa from the top position for the first time with an estimated net worth of $36.2 billion with the conflict in Iraq boosting his fortune." I swear, I wish I had been the one to make this stuff up......it's a riot for sure AND it gets better. "We still estimate Claus' net worth as infinite, but we excluded him from this year's rankings after being bombarded by letters from outraged children insisting that Claus is 'real'," according to a statement from Forbes.com. Other drop-offs include Ebenezer Scrooge, who gave much of his fortune to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation; Superman nemesis Lex Luther, who blew billions trying to take over the world; and Cruella De Vil as demand for fur coats plummeted. The new annual list with an aggregate fictional net worth of $111 billion includes Mr. Monopoly, spam entrepreneur Prince Abakaliki of Nigeria, and videogame plumber Mario. Second place goes to Charles Montgomery Burns, owner of the Springfield nuclear power plant in the cartoon TV show "The Simpsons" worth an estimated $16.8 billion after announcing a "technology exchange" with North Korean leader Kim Jong II. I guess the folks at Forbes have gotten tired of trying to convince the liberals that our economy is actually doing pretty good. Either that or they decided they needed some way to amuse themselves since their boss Steven Forbes isn't planning another presidential campaign anytime soon. SEE THE ENTIRE LIST HERE!

And then there's this...........

In White Plains, New York, 32 year old Oscar Aponte is going BACK to jail after briefly flirting with freedom. You see, after serving his original sentence, Aponte was released from prison just before Halloween. But before he left the facility, Aponte decided he wanted to keep his orange prison issue jumpsuit. So he took it.....and wore it on Halloween night as he took his daughter trick or treating. Their first stop on this night of father-daughter fun? The home of a local deputy sheriff. Nuff said! LOL I swear I could feel MY IQ dropping as I typed that one! LOL

TIL NEXT TIME...................................

Originally posted 11-21-06 on Yahoo 360