Sunday, October 19, 2008

Weekend Funnies

Idiot Dad!

A guy at the supermarket sees an attractive woman waving at him.
She says "Hello!"
He's rather taken aback because he can't remember where he knows her from.
So he says..."Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and he says, Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?
The attractive lady looks into his eyes and calmly replies............"No, I'm your sons teacher."

Mom's Not To Bright Either!

This is just wrong on so many levels!

Let's See If Junior Is Any Smarter......

The father was passing by his son's bedroom and was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope prominently propped up on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition he opened the envelope and with trembling hands began to read........

Dear Dad,
It is with great sorrow and regret that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend to avoid a scene with mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is real nice. But I knew that you would not approve because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad, she is pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a whole stack of firewood for the winter. We share the dream of having many more children. She has also opened my eyes to the fact the marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing for ourselves and trading it with people who live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime, we will pray for science to find a cure for aids so that Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I know I'm only 15, but I also know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back so you'll have a chance to get to know your grandchildren.

Your Son John

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than report cards. You'll find that in my center desk drawer.
Please call me when it's safe to come home.

I do believe round one goes to Junior!!!
Til next time..................
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