Being a nice guy, many times, can be the proverbial kiss of death when it comes to men looking for meaningful relationships. During the course of a recent conversation on this topic, a female co-worker chimed in that most women today, especially those around 35 or younger are looking for the "bad boy" type and that most nice guys get lost in the remaining "white noise" of life. As a married 42 year old male, I really can't say if that is true or not. But in defense of the statement, I can say that I know a few guys that find themselves sitting on the sidelines because they don't have the attitude, the aggressive personality, and generally refuse to be a "player." Do these guys find themselves in that situation because they're too nice or is their prediciment simply a result of their unrealized expectations in their female "friends?" I would guess that it's most likely a combination of the two. Ironically, the same day that this conversation took place in my office, I received this email from another 360 friend that would argue the bad guy theory. The email read like this...............
To My Few Guy Friends That I Love...To every guy that's said, "Sex can wait."
To every guy that's said, "You're beautiful."
To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her.
To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.
To every guy who has given her flowers just because.
To every guy that said he would die for her.
To every guy that really would.
To every guy that did what she wanted to do.
To every guy that regrets hurting her.
To every guy that cried in front of her.
To every guy that she cried in front of.
To every guy that holds hands with her.
To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.
To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.
To every guy who would give up their jacket for her.
To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to be able to see her for ten minutes.
To every guy that would give up his seat.
To every guy that just wants to cuddle with his special movie partner...and not fall asleep
To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what...
To every guy that believes in her.
To every guy who told his secrets and fears to her.
To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.
To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.
To every guy that believed in her dreams.
To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.
To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
To every guy that walked her to her car.
To every guy that wasn't just trying to get LAID!!!!
To every guy that actually listened.
To every guy that gave his heart
To every guy that prays she is happy even if he isn't with her
Not all girls appreciate nice guys. There's not many of you left out there...and the number of ladies who appreciate you gets smaller and smaller every day too. Just be patient though. One day we'll find each other.......maybe.
Okay, so she says there aren't many left. Or is it that women are just too busy to take the time to really look? And vice-versa for the guys. Are the "nice guys" expectations too high causing them to give up too soon? In this age of instant gratification, hours spent in front of computer screens, speed dating, and general lax emotional self maintenance, I would surmise that the art of being a nice guy (or girl) is quickly finding itself in the same dusty emotional corner as the "lost art of conversation."
What type of person/personality are you most attracted to?(closed poll)
- The bad boy/bad girl personality? 1
- A genuine, nice, and caring personality? 10
10 comments:
To every nice guy out there who may be reading this, the girl in the office has issues to deal with. As do many people. I am definitely looking for the guy with the long list of beautiful qualities, whom I could return those feelings to safe in the knowledge that they were well received. With love and respect. I think my ony advice would be, is to have constant faith and don't bother searching, because then you have to deal with all those out there looking for dysfunctional relationships and they just drag you down and make for all this dispondency.
There ends my lecture for today !!!! xxxx
Thursday August 10, 2006 - 09:26am (BST)
That man in the picture is gorgeous, but he looks so sad, life realy shouldn't be this way, people seem intent on making it harder than it already is
Thursday August 10, 2006 - 09:28am (BST)
nice contriversal topic here. I think mostly all women/men go through a phase in thier life- hopefully before they get married. I have been through the bad boy men and sure it's a wild ride in the beginning but it's not your "soul mate" I think the individual needs to ask thierselve if they are happy where they are in life and if they are really considering serious dating. I think the problem is so many people are afraid of commitment so the after effect it short termed dating thus leading to confusion. If you go through your phases and date a variety of different personalities you will relize what really makes you happy. "you are what you eat" If you go to a bar looking for a one night stand you cannot expect to have a long term relationship- you have to know what you want and look for it in the right enviorment.
Thursday August 10, 2006 - 04:29am (EDT)
Hi Mark,
Happy Thursday!
Your list is wonderful and it contains everything that would matter to me. However, my list would also include that the guy would be a Christian.
Of course we all know that there likely is no one that would meet even half of your criterion. If there were, I would hope God would send him my way!
Hugs, to one of the good guys for such a sweet post!
Just Me,
Joanne
Thursday August 10, 2006 - 07:06am (EDT)
Great post Mark.There was alot of meaning in this post.
Thursday August 10, 2006 - 05:08am (PDT)
Well, I had to vote to counter inequality, and since the only commenters were women. I think most men and women too, are attracted to both types. Outwardly, and in public we want the good guy/girl; and of course in private we want the opposite. For those of us who have found that balance, it is heaven on earth.
Thursday August 10, 2006 - 07:30am (CDT)
I completely agree with Deuce. From my perspective as a single 39 year old woman, I've dated all the bad boy types I ever care to know. Those guys who never call when they say or can't be bothered to share any real emotions are lost on me these days. I much prefer someone who is "nice" and actually cares about me rather than how I look. A lot of guys get lost in the "she looks good on my arm" aspect and never bother to try to get to know the trophy they are carrying around with them. When someone they think might adorn them better comes along, they bolt. I'm not egotistical but I know that in my life there have been many men who only wanted to date me to be seen with me or even worse, just to see if they could. It's hurtful and they don't realize that it's hurtful because if you are the female in question you are only a shell to them. The quickest way to lose my attention is to comment on my appearance before having had any conversation with me otherwise.
These days, I can't be bothered to give the time of day to someone that isn't interested in my weird theories on life and affection for interests that most people don't find appealing. That's why I adore Paul so much...over the past two years he's gotten to know what makes me tick and thinks my oddness is cute, which is good since I definitely am marching to the beat of my own drummer and he's not always in sync with the music around me.
As far as the private thing...that's always important but that's exactly where it should be...in private.
Thursday August 10, 2006 - 07:39am (PDT)
Nice guys rule. As well as geeks..nerds..love 'em all. ;) I dated "bad" BOYS. I MARRIED my nice MAN. It is a sad commentary on woman AND men in general when we overlook some of the best things in life just because we are so used to the "player", and have no idea what a real, loving relationship is all about. I think the whole "bad boy/player" attraction is soooooo high school. I'd choose a nice guy any day of the week. And I do!
Thursday August 10, 2006 - 10:04am (CDT)
Bad Boys are playthings. Toys to be trifled as they trifle you. Some women are not ready for a meaningful relationship and with that they seek out the Bad Boy.
Timing is everything and if you are female looking for a close personal realtionship with a man, who cares more for you then himself, you don't date a "Bad Boy". Yet, some women, desperate not to be alone, make the same mistake over and over. It's not the guys fault. I'm not condoning Bad Boy behavior, I'm saying "Buyer Beware". If the tag reads Bad Boy...he is, was and will be Bad.
Now, with that said, the woman has to keep in mind where she is shopping. Bars, Lounges and Dance Clubs are known territories of the animal that is the Bad Boy. Nice Guys can be there too, but are endangerd in those locales.
Thursday August 10, 2006 - 02:09pm (EDT)
B,
As always, you took the words right from my mouth. Let me clarify my statement about my dating bad boys..call it naivete,(sp.?) but there are some mis-guided souls (me) that thought they could "save" said creatures. and sometimes, the boys didn't start off seeming all that bad, but once again..that's all me being naive, most likely. I was young and dumb.D-U-M-B! Dumb for thinking that you can change anyone, and should've used that knowledge to my advantage in said situations, but instead stuck it out in crappy, mostly one-sided "relationships". Yes, ladies aren't off the hook, you're right. We play have a part in the whole deal, as enablers. And desperation plays a role as well, true. But thankfully, I woke up, opened my eyes, and saw the nice guy that was standing beside me all along. I'm a dork. What can I say? I know for a fact that nice guys don't always finish last,so nice guys, keep your chin up. The right woman is out there. Maybe she's closer than you think!
Thursday August 10, 2006 - 03:32pm (CDT) Remove Comment
Post a Comment