Weekend Funnies! November 18, 2006

TICKLE ME ELMO FACTORY

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're
really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..." "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

DOG OWNER ALERT

Law enforcement officals in the southern United States have issued an advisory to all dog owners to keep their animals inside until further notice. Officials say snipers throughout the south are targeting canines at an alarming rate. Deaths have been reported 17 different cities across the south. Officals can come up with no motive and have few leads. However, the Georgia Bureau of Investigation has released this picture of an individual wanted for questioning in the matter. (scroll down)

FOR THE LADIES.......MEN ARE LIKE

1. Men are like...Laxatives...They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like...Weather...Nothing can be done to change them.
3. Men are like...Blenders...You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
4. Men are like...Chocolate...Sweet, smooth, & they head right for your hips.
5. Men are like...Commercials...You can't believe a word they say.
6. Men are like...Department Stores...Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
7. Men are like...Government Bonds...They take soooooooo long to mature.
8. Men are like...Mascara...They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
9. Men are like...Popcorn...They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
10. Men are like...Lava Lamps...Fun to look at, but not very bright.
11. Men are like...Parking Spots...The good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

GOTTA LOVE THEM SOUTHERN GIRLS

A girl from the south and a girl from the east coast were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from south, being friendly and all, said, "So, where you from?"

The east coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from south, sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: "SO, WHERE YOU FROM, WITCH??"

HOW BLONDE IS SHE????

She was so blonde that she thought a quarterback was a refund, she thought General Motors was in the Marines, she thought meow mix was a cd for cats, she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center, and at the bottom of the employment application where it says sign here, she was so blonde that she wrote "Taurus."

She was so blonde that she took a ruler to bed with her to see how long she slept, she sent a fax with a stamp on it, under "education" on her job application...she put "hooked on phonics."

She was so blonde she tripped over a cordless phone, she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate," she told her friend to meet her at the corner of walk and don't walk, and she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She was so blonde that she studied for a blood test, she sold her car for gas money, she missed the #44 bus...so she took the #22 twice, and when she saw the sign that said "Airport Left".....she turned around and went home.

She was so blond that when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home...she moved, she thought if she spoke her mind....she'd be speechless, she thought she couldn't use her am radio in the evening, and then my personal favorite............SHE THOUGHT TACO BELL WAS A MEXICAN TELEPHONE COMPANY!

AND THEN THERE'S THIS................

Why Rednecks Can't Be Paramedics......A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. the other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead, what should I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, lets make sure he's dead." There is silence on the line for a couple of moments....then a loud shout.

Bubba's friend then comes back on the line and says....."Okay, now what?"

Til next time!!!

Originally posted 11-18-06 on Yahoo 360